Look, I've Stepped in Bullshit.

That is what God would say if he read my paper. He knows that I didn't see that movie. That I read Derek and Kevin's papers to get ideas and details to make mine look legit.

I think I cheat because I don't see the apparent educational value in doing something the right way. Or, I just screw up and don't want to put the effort into doing things the right way.

Siobhan's never cheated. Good for her.

I was going to say something, but that thought's not good enough to be recorded. Something about Derek and feeling like my chances with him got diminished. Even though I just got a spoonful of reality. Nothing major. Oh look, I talked about it.

I read the Handmaid's Tale. Good book.

I watched Donnie Darko. Great movie.

I don't want to be here, in the Lounge writing my paper, refining another that was all right in the first place (Killing all my liberties with style and convention). Pulling the shit out of my ass and spreading it across the screen, only to be printed out neat and pretty in the morning.

I think they don't really care if you search yourself for what's there. Or, some of them don't care. They'll be satisfied with something pretty on paper. I can really tell that some of them care, though. That makes me care.

I want to be in Washington, I want to be back on the field with David.

I don't have to torture myself with this, I know this. But I choose to go there anyway. Why? Because it was nice. Because it may not happen again. Because I'm praying it will.

I always come back to this. Ah well.


I need discipline.