Finding my way back to sanity

The last 24 hours have been a reminder of some of the reasons why this is entitled "The Other Side of Sanity."

I want to cry. My life is filled with happiness and confusion and revulsion and I praise God for all of it.

People have been opening up and pouring out their souls before my eyes. I think it started on the Thursday morning before break, with Derek, and then after break Lauren and Andy. You have the full spectrum with the three. I asked Derek, I didn't ask Lauren but now I welcome her with open arms, and Andy I didn't ask and I'm not sure if I want it.

I know I'm blessed. I know I have it good, and I thank God for it every day. I can't imagine the suffering my friends have gone through. I see myself as a personification of Catherine from Austen's Northanger Abbey. I have a relatively perfect up bringing. Ok, I shouldn't say perfect. It has been good. My parents are together, they have money, I have no real tragedies in my life. I have been spared. But WHY?? I want to know. And now the question grows, with people opening their souls to me. I ask why? WHY ME? I see nothing special. Is it because I am a whole person, or close to it? My life hasn't been broken by tragedy?

I honestly don't know what people see in me. Do they see that I won't break what they give me, that I'll try to keep it safe and the pieces whole? Could that be so special?

Today I didn't have class so I slept. I woke up and went and got afternoon food (they really need a term for Lunch/dinner) with Lauren and Rena. On the way back I was overcome with this feeling of intense happiness. Of Joy. It's crazy, but it almost brought me to the edge. Another mental snapshot to add to the stash of memories that will never dim. Another was on the way to BWI. I'm not entirely certain why.