Bitch

Last night I broke his heart.

...

Shattered it, actually. I took what was given to me for safe keeping, and murdered it. I didn't want to. But something inside tells me it was the right thing to do.

Why does it hurt so much? Because I know the damage I did. I've seen the effects of what happens when other people do it. And I hate it. It's one of the cruelest things anyone can do.

I hope to God he'll be ok, eventually. I'm pretty sure he will be. I pray that some other woman will come along and heal him in ways I can't. Because he deserves that. He deserves more than what I can give him right now.

God tells me to love my friends. Am I doing this wrong?

...


So I said no. I said yes before, and that's the kicker. I said yes because i wanted it to be true. Because a tiny part of me could see it being true. But I know, that even if part of me felt that way, I would still feel the way I do for the other one, and that's not fair to him, and that not right. Whoever I love deserves all of me, not part of me.

The voices are silent. They don't know what to say. Or if they do, they don't bother. Silence.

I can't cry. It's all inside.

He forgave me. He said I love you and I forgive you. I still can't quite wrap my mind around it, but I accept it. I'm scared for what's going to come.

...


And now I get to finish my paper on Cruelty and Goodness. Oh God, please help me.