FOB be my Savior

Note: When I originally posted this on my Facebook, I ended up getting 14 comments meant to inspire and console me. Woot, people love me.

Darkness and light are but one.

Thus says Psalm 139.

It's hard to be optimistic when you want to quit. Fighting the emo gets hard after a while. I don't want to be happy, I don't want to love life, I don't want to see the beauty and the humor in it all.

It's at this point that I throw my eyes up to the heavens and ask God what the hell He thinks he's doing. But who am I to question the one I believe to be the very creator of the universe. Really, someone who has complete and total power over EVERYTHING. But it's my life, and it's the only thing I know, and it's the thing most precious to me. And He's screwing with it.

I see my blessings - they are infinite. Or see to be. I want them, I need them. I don't want to appreciate them. But I can do nothing other than that.

So I'm just going to sit here, shut up and listen to my music until I feel better.

...

Screw that.

I don't want to act, but I do. We all do. To not act would be selfish.

"Rejoice in the Lord always, I say it again, Rejoice!"

God clearly has not forsaken me. But I want things to change, I want people to change.

You guys, I'm a hypocrite, I'm a gossip and I lack integrity. I lie. Don't tell me that I'm amazing today, because today I'm taking a day off from being amazing and embracing the crappy part of me. I procrastinate and sometimes don't even do my homework. I lose things. I lead guys on only to just let them fall flat on their faces. I'm selfish; I'm going to use you and maybe abuse you. You know what? I LIKE it when you talk about me. Yeah, that's right. I enjoy the attention. I'll bite your head off if you argue with me, and refuse to see reason. I put my foot in my mouth all the time. And to top it all off I just LOVE to wallow in self pity.

You know what the best thing is? I'm not going to say what I really want to say. I won't throw that out here. Nope nope nope.

...

I feel a bit better.

I hate Mondays.