This one isn't going to make it to Facebook.
Happy Easter.
I spent it without my family for the first time. HOw I feel about it? Eh. I went to dinner with Kayla, walking to Emmitsburg and such. Overpriced, have blisters, but it was good. Mass at noon at the grotto. Not bad. the Tenor was a bit much, but I'll blame the sound system
People are dumb.
No, they aren't. I love people.
I'm drained and sick offa too much chocolate.
I want you to open up, I want you to shut up, I want you to be honest, I'm not sure what to do with you, I want to cry on your shoulder, I want you to cry on mine, I want you to start loving, I want you to sober up...
I want to understand I want to stop screwing up I want to be the best person I can be for all of Yous.
I'm stuck in this same mindless drivel. not mindless. just neutral. Known. I'm bored with it.
God, just let me understand.
Or I'll just melt to the rhythms and voices of my Blue October. Feast my eyes on my Rice. Fade into temporary escstacy. Or nothingness. Depending on how you look at it.
I need discipline. But saying it doesn't cut it.
Maybe I miss my old mindset. Nope, I don't. But I do know it worked on some levels, and I get to figure out how to make those levels work with my new mindset.
I tell myself I suck and I don't believe it. Wow. Josh should be proud.
So now that I believe that I"m worth a damn...step two is to motivate myself to do something with it.
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1 comment:
Some people just need that attention. Things can't be "normal". And they don't want to admitt they need the attention, so they pretend they don't want it, forcing you to draw from them what's wrong. They don't even know it.
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