Hi everyone!

I've decided to re-christen one of my birds Claude. Prince Claude, to be exact. Prince Claude and Louisa. But since Claude's a prince, that makes Louisa a princess, because she's having his babies. They're rather cute together.

Hmm, yes. It's good to be happy. I'm glad to be home, I'm glad I get to see people. And New Years ala Steinke will be fun. But I'll also be happy to be back at the Mount. I'm excited for next term, for a number of reasons. Lots of changes, and it should definitely be better than last term.

I don't have anything super profound to say to you guys tonight. I just felt like writing a bit.

It's hard to absorb so much change. I'm the kind of person that, when given the choice, would rather suck the marrow out of things before moving on to the next buffalo wing, instead of sampling a million different kinds and leaving some scraps in the basket. With all the changes, I feel like I'm going to miss out on something. I don't have time to give it all the care it all deserves. But so far I'm liking most of the changes. Part of it might be a resignation towards a peaceful positive feeling towards it, because I can't stop it from happening. Plus I really do like them. Like my seafoam green velvety comforter! It's soft and squishy and warm, which is especially nice because now I not only live in an upstairs corner of my house, but above an outside deck, not my living room. So it gets cooler in here. But for once in my life I've got enough blankets to keep me warm in the winter. It's the littler things, really that make me most happy. Smaller sized gestures that mean a lot.

I'm going to sleep now. Dreams are nice.

Interjection.

Ugh.

I'm so bored. It's break, and I'm enjoynig break, especially the time spent with my family. I missed them a lot, and I haven't seen them for four months.

But now I'm bored, and don't have too much motivation to read or anything. And there's nothing fun on the internet. Just like there's nothing on tv.

I'm going to the DMV tomorrow to get a new license, because I left my old one on the plane. oops. So I'm getting up in the morning, picking up David to come with, going over there, then going to portland with people. Should be fun.

All right, I feel like there's a lot of weird tension between us. Am I imagining it, or is it something we just have to work through, or is it because we just need to yell at each other a little then move on.

Pardon the random private conversation interjection.

So...yeah.

I've got a sore throat. I should go get something to drink. Maybe grab a book and read. I've been staring at a screen too long, and I'm going a little crazy. On a few different levels.

Ugh, this is dumb. I need to stop wanting to hit the fast forward button.

I stole this from the internet

50 tips for first year college students

As you begin your college experience, and I prepare for my 10-year college reunion, I thought I'd leave you with the things that, in retrospect, I think are important as you navigate the next four years. I hope that some of them are helpful.

Here goes...

1. Your friends will change a lot over the next four years. Let them.

2. Call someone you love back home a few times a week, even if just for a few minutes.

3. In college more than ever before, songs will attach themselves to memories. Every month or two, make a mix cd, mp3 folder, whatever - just make sure you keep copies of these songs. Ten years out, they'll be as effective as a journal in taking you back to your favorite moments.

4. Take naps in the middle of the afternoon with reckless abandon.

5. Adjust your schedule around when you are most productive and creative. If you're nocturnal and do your best work late at night, embrace that. It may be the only time in your life when you can.

6. If you write your best papers the night before they are due, don't let people tell you that you "should be more organized" or that you "should plan better." Different things work for different people. Personally, I worked best under pressure - so I always procrastinated... and always kicked ass (which annoyed my friends to no end). ;-) Use the freedom that comes with not having grades first semester to experiment and see what works best for you.

7. At least a few times in your college career, do something fun and irresponsible when you should be studying. The night before my freshman year psych final, my roommate somehow scored front row seats to the Indigo Girls at a venue 2 hours away. I didn't do so well on the final, but I haven't thought about psych since 1993. I've thought about the experience of going to that show (with the guy who is now my son's godfather) at least once a month ever since.

8. Become friends with your favorite professors. Recognize that they can learn from you too - in fact, that's part of the reason they chose to be professors.

9. Carve out an hour every single day to be alone. (Sleeping doesn't count.)

10. Go on dates. Don't feel like every date has to turn into a relationship.

11. Don't date someone your roommate has been in a relationship with.

12. When your friends' parents visit, include them. You'll get free food, etc., and you'll help them to feel like they're cool, hangin' with the hip college kids.

13. In the first month of college, send a hand-written letter to someone who made college possible for you and describe your adventures thus far. It will mean a lot to him/her now, and it will mean a lot to you in ten years when he/she shows it to you.

14. Embrace the differences between you and your classmates. Always be asking yourself, "what can I learn from this person?" More of your education will come from this than from any classroom.

15. All-nighters are entirely overrated.

16. For those of you who have come to college in a long-distance relationship with someone from high school: despite what many will tell you, it can work. The key is to not let your relationship interfere with your college experience. If you don't want to date anyone else, that's totally fine! What's not fine, however, is missing out on a lot of defining experiences because you're on the phone with your boyfriend/girlfriend for three hours every day.

17. Working things out between friends is best done in person, not over email. (IM does not count as "in person.") Often someone's facial expressions will tell you more than his/her words.

18. Take risks.

19. Don't be afraid of (or excited by) the co-ed bathrooms. The thrill is over in about 2 seconds.

20. Wednesday is the middle of the week; therefore on wednesday night the week is more than half over. You should celebrate accordingly. (It makes thursday and friday a lot more fun.)

21. Welcome failure into your lives. It's how we grow. What matters is not that you failed, but that you recovered.

22. Take some classes that have nothing to do with your major(s), purely for the fun of it.

23. It's important to think about the future, but it's more important to be present in the now. You won't get the most out of college if you think of it as a stepping stone.

24. When you're living on a college campus with 400 things going on every second of every day, watching TV is pretty much a waste of your time and a waste of your parents' money. If you're going to watch, watch with friends so at least you can call it a "valuable social experience."

25. Don't be afraid to fall in love. When it happens, don't take it for granted. Celebrate it, but don't let it define your college experience.

26. Much of the time you once had for pleasure reading is going to disappear. Keep a list of the books you would have read had you had the time, so that you can start reading them when you graduate.

27. Things that seem like the end of the world really do become funny with a little time and distance. Knowing this, forget the embarassment and skip to the good part.

28. Every once in awhile, there will come an especially powerful moment when you can actually feel that an experience has changed who you are. Embrace these, even if they are painful.

29. No matter what your political or religious beliefs, be open-minded. You're going to be challenged over the next four years in ways you can't imagine, across all fronts. You can't learn if you're closed off.

30. If you need to get a job, find something that you actually enjoy. Just because it's work doesn't mean it has to suck.

31. Don't always lead. It's good to follow sometimes.

32. Take a lot of pictures. One of my major regrets in life is that I didn't take more pictures in college. My excuse was the cost of film and processing. Digital cameras are cheap and you have plenty of hard drive space, so you have no excuse.

33. Your health and safety are more important than anything.

34. Ask for help. Often.

35. Half of you will be in the bottom half of your class at any given moment. Way more than half of you will be in the bottom half of your class at some point in the next four years. Get used to it.

36. In ten years very few of you will look as good as you do right now, so secretly revel in how hot you are before it's too late.

37. In the long run, where you go to college doesn't matter as much as what you do with the opportunities you're given there. The MIT name on your resume won't mean much if that's the only thing on your resume. As a student here, you will have access to a variety of unique opportunities that no one else will ever have - don't waste them.

38. On the flip side, don't try to do everything. Balance = well-being.

39. Make perspective a priority. If you're too close to something to have good perspective, rely on your friends to help you.

40. Eat badly sometimes. It's the last time in your life when you can do this without feeling guilty about it.

41. Make a complete ass of yourself at least once, preferably more. It builds character.

42. Wash your sheets more than once a year. Trust me on this one.

43. If you are in a relationship and none of your friends want to hang out with you and your significant other, pay attention. They usually know better than you do.

44. Don't be afraid of the weird pizza topping combinations that your new friend

from across the country loves. Some of the truly awful ones actually taste pretty good. Expand your horizons.

45. Explore the campus thoroughly. Don't get caught.

46. Life is too short to stick with a course of study that you're no longer excited about. Switch, even if it complicates things.

47. Tattoos are permanent. Be very certain.

48. Don't make fun of prefrosh. That was you like 2 hours ago.

49. Enjoy every second of the next four years. It is impossible to describe how quickly they pass.

50. This is the only time in your lives when your only real responsibility is to learn. Try to remember how lucky you are every day.

Be yourself. Create. Inspire, and be inspired. Grow. Laugh. Learn. Love.

My Epic Trip Home, Volume 2

~*~ From my Facebook Notes ~*~

Hello everyone! Remember when I got laid over in Las Vegas last year and had to spend the night? This is slightly more epic. I think I’m giving Jason and Odysseus a run for their money. :-)

So this started out Saturday morning. I finished packing and whatnot, and Doug was kind enough to give me a ride to BWI. :-) Earlier I checked my email and found out that my connection to Portland got cancelled because Portland has no idea how to deal with icy snow. But, I end up figuring that I’ll get to Denver and then go from there; it’d probably be easier to find an alternative, and if anything I’d at least be halfway. Check in and security were pretty much standard procedure, aka boring as all heck. There was a nice French Horn choir, though, playing nice Christmas music. :) Now the fun part happens.

My flight was good, I had a window seat, and half of what little legroom I had was taken up by my backpack (aka, the rather large “personal item” supplementing my “carry on bag”. Stretching the TSA’s rules is an art I practice. But don’t worry, they get me back later.) But aside from being cramped, it was something I could deal with. Plus I’m not a fan of checking luggage. EVER. It’s a huge hassle.

There was a kid next to me in the middle seat, and an older woman on the aisle. The kid was 14, an air force brat, wanted to be a marine biologist, had full blown ADHD (that was no surprise, in a sweetly endearing sort of way), and had a slightly off-color sense of humor common to high school freshmen. He also had a taste for violent movies that was slightly disturbing, and a delightfully slightly dark sense of humor. At first I tried to take a nap, which mostly resulted in me half snoozing and half philosophizing about my life. It’s amazing what clarity the solitude amongst the holiday masses can bring. But that’s neither here nor there, and some of my conclusions will be a separate Note. *ahem* So after I took a two hour nap (successfully missing all the drink and food service, but awakening when I mistakenly thought the seatbelt sign was supposed to be for landing. Blasted turbulence), Andrew talked my ear off for the rest of the flight. Normally I just try to sleep through things, but I didn’t even have to try all too hard to be interested in what he was saying. Cute kid. Hopefully he has a good Christmas with his mom and brother in Denver.

When we land I let everyone else off the plane first, because I didn’t have to make a connection that was going to leave without me in ten minutes like most other people. I get off, and go find the United Airlines Customer Services. After a bit of walking, I find it. Yay! But with it, I see a line. So I start walking. And walking. And walking. But don’t worry, I found the end of it! I just had to pass about a hundred people to get there. So thus ensued how I spent my Saturday night.

Now, everyone knows those jokes about how horrible the DMV lines are. Granted, it’s boring as all heck, and people are cranky and really just don’t want to be there. Some people imagine that that’s what hell is like – a never ending DMV line. But now, dear reader, imagine that boredom and agitation and frustration and length, and multiply by ten. You’re now imagining my Saturday Night Line Experience. This was like a line for a Disney Land Ride without a Fast Pass, except there wasn’t an awesomely overrated ride at the end, but the slight chance of getting half of what you need to go to wherever you need to go. I spent a good two hours, probably two and a half, in that line. At the end of it, I was granted a pink hotel discount slip and a standby ticket for a flight to PDX (Portland, for you n00bs out there), which, although infinitely better than nothing (for the concept of nothing is an infinite non-existence in itself, therefore…ok, I’ll stop), was a far cry from anything truly helpful.

The best part of the line, or at least most interesting, was the people (you had to have seen this coming).

There was Chinese Exchange Girl, who was directly in front of me. She was visiting some friends in Seattle, and this was her first Christmas in America. She was quite nice, and seemed to be about my age. She spent a lot of time talking on her cell in what I assume was Mandarin, and I got to watch her stuff while she went to the bathroom. I saw her again this morning, in Line of Death, The Sequel.

There was Pile of Kids. They were fun to look at, like one of those side attractions Disney has to keep people happy while they wait forever in line. There was one mom sitting in the middle of a pile of five kids, ranging in ages from a few months to about seven years old or so. They were using each other as pillows, and one of the younger boys was running around between in mom and dad, acting as a four year old go between. Definitely the Aww of the Day.

Then there was also Big Angry Businessman. He was in front of Chinese Exchange Girl. He was mean. Really mean. Not to me, or anyone in line, just to all the people working overtime to help us sorta almost get somewhere. Basically the story goes that he was told his plane was delayed, and decided that he and his wife would grab a few beers in a nearby restaurant. Low and behold, the airport doesn’t have speakers announcing when flights leave in the bars, so he missed his plane. Instead of taking personal responsibility for what turned out to be a bad choice on his part, he decided to very rudely and loudly blame everyone he could contact on his cell phone. He thought that because he was a big mileage special person he knew how to do the jobs of the people he was bitching at better than they did. It really, really, really pissed me off the way he was talking to them.

The best people were Sarah and Eric, a newlywed couple on their way back from their honeymoon, Oregon natives. They were both students; I think Eric was working on his Master’s in Engineering and then working towards a PhD at OSU. The two of them were both RAs in college, too. They were behind me in line, and kept me thoroughly entertained during the line waiting, telling stories of their honeymoon at a resort I can’t remember. In true Northwest spirit, they had spent it hiking and ropes coursing and whatnot. They also had an awesome imitation of a ticket agent (Sarah) and ‘anonymous angry customer’ (Eric), that had about half the people around us laughing. They graciously asked if I would like to split a room with them, seeing if a double would be cheaper than two singles (Sarah: I know what it’s like for college students and cash!). I accepted, and we went and got McDonalds after getting our standby tickets for the next morning. They were really quite awesome people, and really helped me out a lot when it came to figuring out the hotel stuff, which I hadn’t ever done before.

We ended up staying our six hours at a Marriott, and that was pretty classy. They had bath and body works little shampoos, and really soft beds, and a really nice reception area. Too bad we didn’t get to enjoy it too much. It was good to sleep somewhere outside an airport terminal, and the next morning at 6 we took a shuttle to the airport.

Security was annoying. The TSA got back at me for all the rules I skimp on when I fly by ‘randomly’ selecting me (yeah, all the stand bys got randomly selected) for extra special security measures, because apparently I either fit the description of a terrorist or a PC example to keep them out of trouble with people who think they profile people. They went through all my stuff, gave me a lecture about putting all of my 3.4 ounce liquid containers in a clear reseal-able one liter bag so they can do a ‘visual check’, and put me through the magic spinning vortex of x-rayness.

Finally I got to my gate, about an hour before boarding. To make a long and boring story short, that flight got cancelled and I got to stand in Line of Death The Sequel, at which time I got on the phone with people and automated voices and discovered that my best option would probably be to shoot for Seattle ASAP then get to Portland from there. It was there that I parted ways with Sarah and Eric, who were going to look for a flight to Eugene. I set up a hotel with another automated voice, and a shuttle with a real person. The mountains were gorgeous outside the airport, when I was waiting for the shuttle. And despite the exhaust fumes, the air was soooo fresh and cold, I love it. So yay for Colorado. It’s a good place, if I wasn’t here alone.

The Double Tree hotel’s nice. I’m just glad to be somewhere where I’ve got a nice squishy bed, food sources, and entertainment. They’ve got Neutrogena French Milled Soap, my Starbucks (peppermint white mocha!), a bar/grill, and a really nice view of the city of Denver and the snowcapped mountains on the horizon. Plus a TV. :) I only have two qualms. They made me pay ten bucks a day for internet (who the HELL does that?), which also sort of shows how addicted I am to it. Secondly, the walls are thin.

So in the meantime, I’m going to go back to watching my TV and go visit the food place later, maybe take a nice bath. I’m going to thoroughly make the best of this, because there’s nothing else I can really do until I get home. I miss you guys so much: my family, my Camas gang and my Mounties. I’ll keep in touch through Facebook, texting and a phone call if you’re cool enough. ;-) Merry Christmas to all of you, have a great break and be sure to come back safe to wherever you come from.

Much Love,

Katelyn
aka Steinke

P.S Number 1: So thus ends my first night at the Double Tree. I spent a good chunk of it talking to people, which was really nice. :) But the best part? My dad got me a flight on Alaska Airlines from Denver through Seattle to Portland for Tuesday evening! And the best part? The Denver to Seattle leg is FIRST CLASS. Apparently it was a pretty good discount, and heck, it's a flight into PDX! The Seattle to P-town portion is just a little tiny rickety puddle jump plane (45 minutes, tops), so it's all economy seating there. :) Awwwwww yeeeeaaaahhh. The other good thing is that I ended up ordering room service for my dinner tonight at like 10:30pm (some really weird fennel chicken potato tomato sauce thingy that was a bit odd, even for my weird tastes). The person who brought it up was a nice young woman about my age, with dyed red hair. She asked me where I would like her to put the tray, to which I promptly took it from her and put it on the desk, and gave her a tip. It would have felt really awkward having her put the try down where I told her; I don't care if it's in her job description, she's my equal and thus above kissing my ass. *end rant* She asked if I was one of the people whose flight got canceled, and we chatted about how many rude and angry people there are from it in the hotel tonight. Then I said goodnight, and dug in while continuing to explore the wonders of the internet. After I get done typing this I'm going to go call United Airlines and cancel the Seattle flight I booked earlier today. I've got a whole day of slacking ahead of me tomorrow. :)

Finals Blitz, Part 2

Greek today. Uggghhh.... I think for the first time I've wanted desperately to get drunk right after the exam. Or, at least, if I've felt that way before, I didn't have the access to the alcohol. But low and behold, I was a good little kid, and despite being royally screwed by Sollenberger's exam, I ended up having a lunch of icecream, chocolate, middle class tea, and 1940s women's magazine articles with Siobhan. Scandelous, those articles are. ;-) Plus good conversation, of course, up in the fourth mac sky. I absolutely love the view outside Sio's window. Perfect view of the bell tower and echo field. Almost makes the climb worth it. Almost. :)

But I don't feel quite as crappy about it now as I did earlier. I'll just have to keep working at it. Yeah, that's the ticket. Sure. Why not.

In the meantime I've got a theology exam to study for, and mainly just a bunch of crap to read, but also finish cleaning my room and pack for home. I'm trying to see if I can manage with my duffel and maybe my backpack. Maybe just my duffle and purse. I don't know, we'll see. I'm trying to travel light, and I'll just need the minimum overnight bag to go with me. Getting stuck overnight in Vegas taught me to always bring the necessities in case you get stranded. But really, as long as I have my cell phone, debit card, ID and tickets I'm fine. Sure. lol.

I'm still fairly excited to go home. See everyone. Oh, yes, and I'll be hosting at least one night of festivities, everyone. Mom gave the go-ahead. Just clean up after yourselves, darlings. PLUS I get to help pick out the lovely hard alcohol when I get home. Heck. Yes. *happy dance* It's funny how cool my parents are with me and alcohol now. TOTAL one eighty from high school and before. College truly does do wonderful things for you.

IN the meantime, I say goodnight, my dears. I'm starting to think about my end of the semester Note. It's definitely going to be different than the ones I've done before. And yet, some things never change. For which I'm glad.

Tschus, meine Freunde.

Finals Blitz, part 1

So thus ends the first day of my finals blitz. Quick Recap of our planned festivities: Wednesday is Philosophy, Thursday is Greek, and Friday is an easier decrescendo into Theology.

I don't think I'll get an A on my philosophy test, but I seriously feel like I rocked it. I spent sooo much time cramming Aristotle into my tiny little head (or, at least, compared to the rest of the semester), and then definitely hit up Thomas before the test. Just because I was studying him, and then through some more up for Mary. You could call it prayer, it felt more like a cry to Heaven. :) And low and behold, if I was not graced with the knowledge that would help me get an A, at least I was given the feelings of triumph afterwards. What did I do to celebrate? Took a nice three hour nap. Oh yeah. Stress makes me sleepy. So now I have one more reason why life is good.

Now I want to go take a shower before I get something to eat from Patriot. But before that, I've got a few thoughts.

As of late my pysche has been in a bit of turmoil, to say the least. I'm not going to go into details (haven't been, throughout most of this), because I know I've actually got a following on this blog, no matter how small it may be. :) But rather, I'll just content myself to spouting off my feelings, without explanation for their existence.

Today I'm happy. Happy like, College Frosh Katelyn Happy. It's like a wonderful breath of fresh air, like that first deep breath stepping into that little portable hallway thing coming off an airplane. You're first step off an airplane, breathing in that good wet Portland International Airport air. That's the freshness of my feelings. Granted, not many of you can relate to that. Oh well. Go step outside, that's kinda similar.

I know I've got my hardest final tomorrow, and rounds duty tonight. AND a nice little party to go to, so yes, I'll be skipping Militia Immaculata tonight. But it's for a good cause, I promise. If I didn't have rounds I'd do both.

I need to clean my room. I've been saying it for weeks, but tonight I'll be going over vocab and grammar and thinking in greek while I clean, in between running around teh building. It'll be a late night, and an early morning, but as long as I really don't think about the fact that I need a good grade on this, like, more than I've needed a good grade on a lot of other things (it's funny, really, the difference of having a good grade being getting you that A and the needing a good grade to solidify your C. Scarier, really. Which is why I'm not thinking about it anymore after this sentence.) . But I think I'll do okay, as long as I study and get and keep myself in Greek mode.

And then all the while I need to go do ResLife paperwork. I'll get that done tomorrow, so I can scrap up any loose ends that may arise friday. Or at least that's the plan. ;-)

But for now, I'll go take my shower, hopefully not beating my arm all over marble this time. And I didn't even get a good bruise or ANYTHING! AND I almost blacked out from it, twice! Grr. Oh well. No more battle scars from wars with the Sheridan Bathroom for me.

Life is good. After finals and paperwork comes dinner and a movie with my staff, one more night here and then saying goodbye to the Mount for two glorious weeks and reaquainting myself with the nation's airports. I can't WAIT for break! :)

Happy Gaudete Sunday

When things are hard, Mass is always a good decision.

Always. Sunday Mass is always a good decision. And I'm officially 20 in Church years, because I was born on Gaudete Sunday. :)

I'm still in the woods from where I was in my last post. This time it's day, not night, though.

Somehow, when I fall to my worst, my knees hit the floor and I present myself to God. And soon afterwords I find myself praising him, even though my situation hasn't changed.

Even though I don't want to be what I am sometimes, it doesn't change the fact that this is who I am. I'm a Christian. A bad one, albeit, but a Christian.

It's through grace that I can get through this. I can't believe otherwise. Dr. Paneloux rises again.

And this is why "What Wondrous Love is This" is one of my favorite hymns ever.

What wondrous love is this, O my soul, O my soul?
What wondrous love is this, O my soul?
What wondrous love is this
That caused the Lord of bliss
To bear the dreadful curse for my soul, for my soul,
To bear the dreadful curse for my soul?

To God and to the Lamb I will sing, I will sing;
To God and to the Lamb I will sing;
To God and to the Lamb,
Who is the great I AM,
While millions join the theme, I will sing, I will sing,
While millions join the theme, I will sing.

And when from death I’m free, I’ll sing on, I’ll sing on;
And when from death I’m free, I’ll sing on.
And when from death I’m free
I’ll sing and joyful be,
And through eternity I’ll sing on, I’ll sing on,
And through eternity I’ll sing on.

*headdeskfistwall*

Why is it, that every. single. damned. time. anything like this happens I always end up hurting people? I can't get it right, ever. EVER. Honestly, the only thing that's stopping me from saying eff it all is the fact that I know that would hurt far more people.

David's being far kinder than I deserve, and I AM grateful for that. That he understands why I didn't want to say anything yet.

Why the bloody hell am I not allowed? What makes me so 'special' that I'm not allowed?

A voice in my head keeps telling me that all of you are judging me. Writing me off. Cutting me off, and might glance backward while I run off the cliff. But before splatter myself on the ground I'll get to feel what it's like to fly. Because maybe this bird's a penguin, no matter how cute they are they just aren't gonna fly.

And another voice says you aren't. That you all still love me.

In case you didn't notice, ladies and gentlemen, this is one of those moments when I don't want to be what I am.

God, I don't want to deal with this.

And now I move from angry voice to tired and desperately trying to be apathetic, but failing voice.

Whatever. It's my life. If I decide to fuck with it in ways that you all don't agree with, nobody's forcing you to stick around and be my friend. I'm too much of an idiot. Go ahead, leave. Nothing ever lasts forever, anyway, so if you please, just go ahead and prove that to me one more damned time.

And of course you all know I don't really believe that.

*sigh*

Look, honestly, this is just hard to deal with, it's been hard to deal with from the beginning, I've been struggling with it since the beginning. I don't know how long it would last, but I have a chance to see if it could, and I want to take that chance. There's a good possibility that I'll end up getting hurt in the end, but since when have I not gotten hurt in the end? And I've always kept a friendship through it. I'm not asking for your agreement, or even your support. You can give me the silent treatment when things go downhill (which always happens), and say "I told you so" to your heart's content after it dies. Just still love me.

And on top of all of this, this conversation is happening during the one week a month I have the least control of my emotions. So keep that in mind, please. Thanks. Much appreciated.

Thoughts on Mortality

I really feel like there's a black cloud named Death hovering over the Mount. Thus far I've been lucky (or blessed, depending on how you look at it) with avoiding it personally. But it's hit others, my friends, and their loved ones, some more than once. My heart aches for them.

So all of these events of late have caused me to think about it. It's like Dr. Conway said - you better think about these issues now, because if you'll have to face them all eventually. I run the scenarios in my head, what would happen if my family died, one of my friends. To think that people go through this every day, people are dying and are being born right this very minute, alone and surrounded by loved ones...

And I've come up with at least one idea. I know that friendship, love, never dies. I refuse to believe that it does. It comes down to love, the most indestructible, infallible and intangible power in the universe. This is why I believe that God must be love. Pure love. I can worship and pledge my entire being to a being that's Love. It makes sense to me. A love so real that it has its own consciousness, it's own will, a will that is always to love, and to love fully. To live in accordance with that kind of love is the highest life a human can strive for. Always, always strive for that perfection, because love is most important. It's all that matters, in the end. It's the one thing I can always count on, the love of my family, friends, and that love is my God.

I keep thinking of the "This I Believe" thing NPR has. I believe in love.

And that music is an auditory manifestation of some aspect of the perfect love. Whether it be its absence, joy, happiness, passion, anger at its violation, whatever. It's all there.

I feel like this is some weird take on theology. I haven't thought it all through yet, though. I'll get back to you when I do.

But yes, live for love. Suck the marrow out of life, while you're at it. Because this is the one shot we've got, and I'm a quarter dead. I only get to live this long three more times before I find out if I'm right, or if it even matters.

I don't have much more to say just yet. I'll get back to you when I do.

Happy Birthday to Me.

Thursday was my 20th birthday. I think I set a new record for how many people wished me a happy one. That definitely made me feel quite loved.

Best gifts? In no particular order, Isabel's cake she made me, penguin pajamas, Friendly's, my girls coming together to really get into the door decorating, and a card. I'm shifting from really loving the intangibles much more than the material things. Yay for maturing.

Anywho, I've got another post to ponder. But I thought I'd do this birthday one separately.

Overall, a good day. That's all I wanted.

Updates, updates

So, I've been rather neglectful of this page as of late. Or at least it feels like it.

Time's flying this year, and then at the same time it's taking For Ev Er for tomorrow, for the weekend, for break to come. I can't wait to get home for Christmas. It'll be soooo weird. I almost feel like I'm out of practice for flying. Almost. But in the meantime I've got other delightful things to look forward to and to help me get through all the work I have to do.

I'm applying to be an Area Coordinator. I don't think I'll get the job, but I may as well give it a shot. Lord knows mom and dad will appreciate the extra benefits. And it might mean that I don't necessarily need to make as much money during the summer. Plus I think I'd do a good job. So we'll see what happens. I already have a new plan of attack for the beginning of next school year. I have a pretty good idea of what I'm going to do differently, and what I'm going to do the same.

I'm going to the Tridentine Mass today, at 4:15. Then from there I"m going to my last Youth Ministry class. Praise God!!! I'm so sick of that. The only reason why I took it this semester was so that I could have another part of the requirements to get the youth ministry concentration. So I have something practical to do with a theology degree. *shrug* Whatevs. I'll never have to sit in Tony's class again, and that's really enough reason to celebrate.

I'm turning 20 on Thursday. It's scary as all hell, lol. I won't be a teenager anymore, it's like I've got no excuse to be irresponsible. Entry into young adulthood. One year closer to kicking the bucket. The one thing I really don't like about it is that my birthday falls during finals week or dead week, one of the two. That makes it harder to celebrate, with all the work everyone is doing. But hey, I don't want much. Go out to Friendly's for icecream with the girls, enjoy the gift my parents sent me (hmmm..it might be here today. :D) Just be with my friends and have a good day. What do I want, though? Psh, I just told you. Although I definitely appreciate gifts, I also understand that we're all college students here, and that frankly I don't often 'gift' other people for their birthdays. Kayla doesn't count. All I really want is to have a good day. Anything else is just icing on the cake.

I miss people. A few different people. I really can't wait to see all of you again. and I'm fairly certain you all know who you are.

I had my fall band concert last night. It's wasn't incredibly awesome, but it was sooooo much fun. I live for that stuff. IT was....EPIC. :-D AND I played it all on a new reed too! AND my chops didn't die until halfway through Water Music, and even then I was able to hold on through the rest of the piece. And O Magnum Mysterium is officially one of my favorite songs ever. Man oh man, I love that stuff. More of you will have to come to our spring concert. Sadly, we only do one per semester. Oh well.

Oh, and apparently I'm both librarian AND manager for pep band. Cool. I have an awesome title. I guess that means I'm more obligated to make it work. But on the other hand, I can stick it in my signature. :)

Anyway, haha, I need to get going. Maybe I'll get a nap in....probably not.

Checking it twice

Happy December, my darlings. Three cheers for my favorite month. And for turning 20 in 9 days. And being home in 18.

So I slept through Greek again. My subconscious must be working against my passing this course. Oh well, try again tomorrow.

I've got a MOUNTAIN of things to do ahead of me before the semester is over. But for now I'm focusing on the mountain in front of me this week. Luke exegesis paper due tomorrow, Aristotle for Friday. I'm not sure when my Aquinas reflection paper is due, but I should wrap that up by Friday as well. Probably another test on Thursday for Greek. Paperwork for ResLife, plus resolve another room mate issue asap. Make out my Christmas list to give to my mom before Friday. Rounds from 11-1 Friday night, skip the Christmas Dance. Have tea and cookies. One on One meeting with Katherine, Thursday I think. Clean my room, finish (start?) laundry. Then have a bit of fun on Saturday. Sunday is the Seminary Open house starting at 2, but my call for my band concert that day is 2:30 so I won't get to go to that. Which I'm royally peeved about. Oh well. Band concert at 3:30 (tuning for an HOUR? Really? Bah, T's crazy) until 5, probably. Then dinner, then Rounds that night. Note to self - 12pm Grotto Mass this Sunday.

Then we embark on dead week. Sorta.

I should make a list.

Wow, that was a long list.

I'll philosophize later, I promise. Right now I have to actually get things done, lol.

Saving so I can have a laugh later.

"Truquinas + Jimmy = LOVE"

~*~

I really don't want to go to science. Not because it's science. I love science. Making science is fun! I have a stupid paper to finish, and I won't get to go play with my friends until I get it done. :-(

~*~

As you can see, lack of sleep and then the shock of oversleeping just enough to wake up at 9am doesn't do good things for my comprehension. Although I was able to quote Aquinas verbatim in philosophy today. Woot. That's right Trudy, when I actually do read I don't NEED the text in front of me. hahaa.

Happy!

Even though I'm tired and have a bunch of things to do and an icky 8 page paper to write and a book to finish for that paper, life is good.

Take note, boys. Roses make everything better. Especially smelly ones. :-) Or even just flowers in general. Yes, I'm a sap. :)

MI goes to Philly!

MI field trips rock!

I went to Philly and...

*Ate a legit Geno's cheesesteak, while freezing my butt off in line to get it. I also had to run across the street to the atm because they only took cash. It was freaking awesome. I also shared a cheese fries and a hot chocolate with Siobhan, and probably her cold as well. :-)

*Went to Confession! Whoo! Be super proud of me, yo. I'm holy now....not. :-)

*Visited a bunch of really cool shrines, and saw the dead body of a Saint. St. John Neumann.

*Heard a bunch of really cool talks by the sems. Good job guys! Even though y'all don't read this, they were good. :) Key points...ummm: Loneliness, abandonment to God, "Thank you Jesus for loving me this way.", Mary is cool.

*Car rides with Sems are fun. Siobhan is a good back massager. :-)

Now I'm really tired. But it was awesome.

If you could live forever...

You know, I need to stop blaming myself for things I can't control. And take better control of the things that I can. Every single damn time I go out or do something, something happens. And then I feel bad for not being there to do my freaking job. Ugh.

In other news, Twilight is a relatively all right chick flick. *shrug* Although, I was paying more attention to my text message inbox for a quarter of the movie, and then was oogling the scenery for at least half of the movie. I'm. So. Damn. Homesick.

AND they TOTALLY shot the up the tree scene in the Columbia River Gorge, and you can TOTALLY see Beacon Rock. And in the closing credits you have a still of Multnoma Falls. Among other things. Yeah, it was totally awesome. I BET that river was the Columbia in the meadow scene. All that green, my gosh. It was home, in mega wide screen. That may or may not have been the best part of the movie for me.

Besides the whole fact of me really not needing a romantic chick flick in my life right now. Not helpful! *growls* Even though I should probably go see it again sometime to actually watch it as a movie. Or just oogle more Southwest Washington. (even though Forks is supposed to be in the northern end of the Olympic Pennynsula...whatever)

Well, I'm going to sleep for a few hours, or try.

Makros Ponos!

I've got a lot of work. Greek work. I don't know how the hell I didn't get a deficiency sent home for that class. I'm probably just on the edge. I could be trying harder. But then you can always be trying harder.

I'm listening to my ska. It's good stuff. Pandora dot com. I made a ska station, and it's FINALLY playing something other than the same five songs. My alt rock station has resorted to only playing classic rock and red hot chili peppers. Not that I dislike it, it's just that there's no variety. What started with Blue October never plays them anymore. Weird.

So yeah, I'm on rounds tonight. I kinda like it when I'm on rounds, by myself. I mean, it's kinda annoying having to stop whatever you're doing every two hours and walk around the building. But hey, in theory it's a perfect study break. In theory. In practice, there's the internet, the Bros of SherNorth (who are awesome to chat with, seriously. Plus it's not like I started conversation with them because I need friends younger than me so I don't go insane after next year when EVERYONE does the G word) and then there's catching up on old House episodes. I'm kinda impressed with this season. I totally thought it was going to jump the shark, but it really hasn't yet.

You know, I really love typing really fast with my eyes closed, or looking at something else, just typing stream of consciousness like, and banging the hell out of my keyboard. There's something kinda satisfying about banging the HELL out of my keys. it's probably not the best thing, because it'ldl probably cause me to need a new keyboard by the end of the year, but it's soooooooo much fun. Like playing the piano all dramatically. Or really complicated, speedy runs on my clarinet. Now THAT'S fun. :D

I don't really have anything profound to say. Nothing really worthy of posting. Except for the fact that since this is my own blog, I can write whatever I feel like, and it'll probably get read by a few people. For a little bit, I can pretend that my opinion matters most. Not pretty clean good Catholic Katelyn, even. Just me. Katelyn, no qualifiers.

No qualifiers necessary. I like that.

It's so weird to actually be working. At yet, of course I'm not at the moment. lol. I know, pathetic Arts major. Silly BA.

...


Dude, I just want to go home. Home and sleep in my bed. I don't think I'll be able to sleep in 'my' room when I get home. It's still Jess', in my mind. I'll take the couch the first night. Maybe. Depends on how tired I am when I get home. I'll bet you that I'll hit the wrong room accidently. 12 years of habit, ya know. Bah. I want to go home.

I also want to sleep, want a Top Burger Basket with everything on it from Top Burger, go stargaze and play mafia and frisbee at Doc Harris Stadium, play with my kitties (Mewy Bear is gonna be huge, my gosh. I left when she was only a little kitty. Bah.) and my beagle. Drive my Saturn. Oh gosh, that'd be awesome. Drive a little too fast on the back roads off of 192nd at night with 105.1 the Buzz playing. Or even Air1! Radio stations with a K in front! oh, and get a bit wasted with my good friends, one more time before we say goodbye forever. Hmmm...let's change the subject off of alcohol.

So, hmmm. Some things are relative. Others aren't.

But in the end, as long as I breath, I hope. I stole that from Cliff.

Now I'm going to pretend to learn some more greek.

Ave Mary A and Sober

This is my 100th post. Whoot.

~*~

Pink is my alter ego. Or, P!nk, I should say. Always has been, and probably always will be. Her music is the voice of Bad Katelyn. And sometimes Good Katelyn.

I just sat through Sex and the City. I'm not doing that again. That's a stupid show. And yet...it's slightly intriguing. NO. I WILL NOT succumb to the bimbo-ocity. And yet, this episode's called "Are we sluts?". We'll reserve judgement for an hour.

I didn't have a staff meeting tonight, so I was all excited to watch House. Instead, I took a three hour nap. Oh well.

I can't wait for a homecooked meal. I'm soooo tired of Patriot food. Is it just me, or has it been on the not so great side lately.

I love Benefit cosmetics. If I had a big expendable income source, I'd totally buy out their whole stock. Alas, this is not the case. It's a brand that dishes out quality products (InStyle, Elle, Cosmo etc. agree) without the uppity brand attitude. Yes, I sound like an ad. But it's true. :-)

Hmmm. Maybe this episode isn't so bad. But House is still way better. :)

So like, I'm not all that happy. I want to laugh more. I don't think I'm laughing enough this year. Oh well. What else am I supposed to do? I make decisions, and have to live with them. I'm just living for the eventual, hoping that it's all worth it. Because if this is really all there is, then...

oh well.

And never mind, Sex and the City is stupid.

Something Like Laughter

Screw you all. Let it be known that I'm closing out the world and taking a hiatus from letting people in. There're a few people who are already in. Whatever, that's fine. They can stay there. But the rest of you, get out. I'm done. Screw it all.

And yet this isn't as depressing as it sounds. Or is it?

EWTN, yo.

So last night I finally had my November breakdown. At least, I think it was. Last year, it was a bit more...violent? in the bathroom of the honors lounge. This time it wasn't so much, but oh, it was awesome.

Have you heard the story of the little boy who walks in on his mom crying? I can't do it justice, but the gist of it is that the boy knows that his mom is basically super mom, and can do anything, but then one day he walks into her room to tell her something and sees her crying. He goes to his dad, because of course the kid is perplexed, and his dad tells him that God gave Mommy lots of gifts, strength and hardness and sensitivity and endurance and so on, but he also gave her a tear to use whenever she wants, because more is packed into that than many can understand.

I don't know what it is about November. This time it was all a combination of missing home and feeling lonely and getting sucked into routine and the surface life and feeling the strong pull between two lifestyles, two choices. It would deem to rip me in half, if it could. So I cried. Oh, it was lovely. Just to set yourself down and cry about everything, your own problems, the state of the world, the lack of love everywhere, for yourself and for everyone.

And then I started channel surfing. Yeah, weird. And even weirder, for some reason I stopped on ETWN. PRobably because Groeschel was talking. Even though I didn't realize it was Groeschel for a while. He has a nice voice, and I figured I'd give it a shot at comforting me. It was him and some other people talking about vocation, I think. But with that going on in the front of my mind, for the first time in a long, long time I really felt alone, truly alone, but alone with peace residing within. So not really alone. No one else in the room but myself and God. My non-believer friends, I'm sure you can't even fathom how it works, or that it's even possible. But it's what I experienced. *shrug* My believer friends, hey guess what! God let me feel something for him, gave me the gift of his peace and presence and consolation for an evening!

I thought of Phillip Blyss' poem: "It is well with my soul."

Now I get to go eat Andy pancakes. But before I do (I'm already late, of course), I'll throw in one more point. I want to live higher than the norm. I see a life, a whole world of lives living through the adrenaline, the thrill, the sexual pleasure, the occaisonal reckless adventure, the world bubble the encompasses the present and the past, a little bit of future, that only goes horizontal through everything. It's fun, I can't deny that. SO, so much fun. But it isn't enough for me. Then there are people who want to live for the heavens. That's a radical lifestyle that IS the Christian, the call to holiness that goes beyond and above what's here and around us, begging us to self actualize into what we can be. These people are my heroes, the ones who deny themselves and take up their crosses, and desperately try and try and fail and try to live for something more. Something more than....*looks around* this.

Now I'm going to eat Andy Pancakes.

I came up with this title halfway through my post.

With the amount I've been writing, you'd think I'm doing NaNoWriMo. (go google it) But alas, although I'm signed up I'm not, because I don't have a big enough plot bunny or motivation to crank out 1667 words a night. Maybe someday, but not today.

Life is...back to good. Well, it was always good, I know that. Life at the Mount is beautiful, even if it gets "take a screwdriver to my temple" boring and routine. (go look up Pi on IMDB) I broke the monotony by celebrating my first roundless weekend with a few bad life decisions, only to have God smack me in the face and remind me that I'm always an RA, especially on nights when I just want a few hours off.

Fall out here is beautiful. It literally looks like the hill I reside on is on fire, towards the end of october/early november. But right now the leaves are thoroughly about their business of falling, and I can see Emmitsburg pretty clearly through my window, and not just tree and parking lot.

I know I'm tied to this place for at least four more years after this one. It might be longer, depending on what life throws at me. I admit it, though, it's all starting to really grow on me. Well, spend enough time anywhere and that'll do it. But...heh, well, we'll just see what direction God wants to throw me in.

Speaking of God, prayer is a good thing. A very good thing. I think I'm going to take a break from asking someone else's opinion and try to figure out God's. We'll see what happens. Especially if I can even manage to accomplish that. :) Get my marching orders, and hope that I can follow them right.

Oh, I declared my major. Not a huge deal, it's been in the works for a while. I just feel like I should raise a private toast to the fact that I'm no longer Undeclared, but listed under "Theology". Philosophy will soon come to double that, then hopefully an English minor. Yeah, might as well put that APLit 5 to good use. :-) And yes, I know I'm bragging.

And along those lines of classes, I think I'm going to take a summer session or two out here. I'll see what's offered for teh second session, and see if I can be the RA for it. I talked to Jess (yes, the Steinke Spawn number 2) for a little bit yesterday, and mom, and Mom told me that Jess has been having trouble finding a job in the area. So either Jess is picky and/or lazy or it's more proof that the job market really isn't all that great back home. Which, on top of everything else, is an even better reason to spend a bit more time east side.

I do miss home, though. I really miss my family, and I'm a bit surprised. Distance can do wonderful things, lol. I think next year I'll go home for Fall break, stay here for thanksgiving and go home for Christmas. It feels like I've been here forever - spending fall break in Camas might have been a good decision. Oh well. Life moves forward, both here and back home, and it won't wait for me. The Camas I know and love is slowly evolving, and even the woods I grew up in isn't the same. I feel like it's all the more reason to cut the cord connected to my home state.

Anywho, I'm hungry, so instead of being emo and not eating, I'm venturing out of my den to hunt.

Rawr.

Nellie Bly and Joel Stein

I feel a bit on the lonely side today. I'm not entirely sure why. I got out of science a full half hour before normally possible, praise God. So to kill time I went and checked my mail, (another TIME magazine that I won't read...oh well, my subscription will expire soon. So much for that - I've been reading it for a good...what, eight years at least? I do think it's gone downhill, steadily, since then. But I have closely followed Joel Stein's writing career. He's my favorite, and I'm very glad that he went from an occasional "Essay" writer to having his own bimonthly "Awesome Column" with the occasional cover story. Good for him.), where were we? Oh, yes, checked my mail. Then I went to the RA work room and filled out a bit of paperwork to cover my ass a bit more for tomorrow's meeting with Katherine. I dread these a bit, but they've thus far always turned out well. If worse comes to worse I can always cry about how lonely I am. That saved me from a lecture about not turning in my paperwork on time, I believe, in my first meeting. But that aside, I went back into Patriot, but didn't really feel like imposing myself on Derek and Nick and crew. I always feel like I'm imposing myself on them whenever I go eat. Not on Nick, or really even Derek anymore, but on the others a bit. The girls feel sorry for me, I think. It's annoying. Or, at least that's the vibe I get. Oh well. So instead I took my bacon cheeseburger and peach tea to go and went back to my room to listen to a bit more of Nellie Bly's Ten Days in a Madhouse. I highly recommend it.

But more later. In the meantime, I've got to go drag myself out of bed (naps are good, as are starbucks double shots) and go help Sarah and Gen direct band rehearsal, as Prof. T is sick and doesn't want us to lose time to rehearse. I'm excited. I'd run the whole damn thing myself if I could.

My Tree IS Epic! It is!!!

After crafting the most cheap-ass board in existance, I have to say...

Damn I love my tree. It's an epic tree. NO joke. And it WILL have Christmas lights in December. Or, paper ones at least.

I don't know if I'd be able to keep it up through the rest of the year. But I wish I could. I really love that tree.

I'm such an RA.

:-D

In other news, it's another Monday. Somehow I was smart and set my alarm for seven, so I woke up just before the power flickered. I did that because I needed to get into the workroom to get stuff to finish the board before Katherine came around this morning. So, because I procrastinated, I'm actually able to be up in time for my classes!!! See, it's a good thing!

In other news, my life just keeps getting more tangled. Social life, that is. It's not a bad thing. Highly entertaining, actually. It hasn't gotten to headache level, and I doubt that it will. It's fun to both enjoy and bitch about.

That said, i'm going to go shower and make a motivational poster to stick on my door before my Phil. class.

Tschus, my dears.

booooooooored

Nobody gives a crap about reading some random person's blog. The only reason why people bother reading this page is that they're personally invested in it. I'm not whining, just thinking about that.

In other news, I'm bored out of my mind. I'm sure I could find something to do...at least, I was sure twenty minutes ago. Now I'm just sitting around here waiting for something to happen, some opportunity to cross my path. I supposed I should be grateful for some solace. But seriously, I'm just boooooored. It's Saturday night, and I don't have rounds! I should be out doing something memorable. Or at least amusing.

And now that I've said all that, hopefully something will happen.

I suppose I could make something happen. But I don't think I have enough courage to do so. And thus by thinking that I don't have the guts to go out and make something fun happen, it turns into a self-fulfilling prophesy. Oh bah.

It's 6:06 am...

...and I'm finally going to bed. I think this is officially my longest night of rounds ever. Elisabeth and I had to kick out 14 or so people from rooms they weren't supposed to be in. New record. We also had a CDS. That wasn't fun. The kids were super compliant, though, which will definitely help them.

I hope I didn't do anything wrong. I'll find out later.

And now, I'm going to bed.

Happy Halloween! :-)

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!!


It's my favorite holiday. Always has been. Maybe it's because I'm a closet goth and love spooky things. And because it's in the middle of Fall, my favorite season.

I'm gonna be a witch, especially once I finish up hemming my costume today. I've also got rounds, so come stop by and say hello, because sadly, I can't leave Sheridan tonight. :-( Oh well, it'll probably help me make good life decisions.

WHOOOO!!!!!! :-D

A hope for home...

Ugh, I'm so tired, and I don't want to be. If I go to bed now, i can get ten hours.


Screw that.


*headdesk*

I should just fall asleep for a while, and wait for all of this to be over. Done with everything for a while, just get in my little badass spaceship and fly close to the speed of light so i can go forward in time. Yay Einstein. He's one of my heroes. :)

I really just want to go get obliterated, hook up with some guy and have a boatload of fun that I won't be able to remember in the morning. Morality sucks butt sometimes. Sad thing is, I have a pretty good idea where I could go do that. But I think I care too much to not care.

Maybe I'm reaching my breaking point. Or at least, this might be my way of flirting with the edge again. I seem to like to do that. I just want to...

There we go. Screamo Metal goodness makes things better.

Well, I am glad that people think highly enough of me, and care enough to let me know or give me a little kick.

But for now I'll just veg out to A Hope for Home.

"The race is on and here comes..."

Do you ever get the feeling where you do something, but then doubt it later and then worry extensively about whether or not it will blow up in your face? Yeah. I thought so.

But on a different note.

I feel incredibly busy lately. So much is happening, so much feels like it's converging on a single point (me, to be self centered). However, I still feel incredibly alive. Sprinting through life. It's like a runner's high. As long as I've got good friends who will let me stop and catch my breath, I'll be fine.





"....and the winner loses all."

Bittersweet Symphony

Hmm, yes, I feel bittersweet.

I'm having recollections of memories from last year, and the year before. I miss it, them.

I found the goodbye card the staff from 360 gave me while cleaning. Oh man, that was a trip. I'll have to stop in at Christmas and say hi. Plus I love their pizza. :) I want to show Dave and Joey that I'm not as much of the naive kid I once was.

Tony told a story in youth ministry that reminded me of Derek. That song, "Dig", by Incubus reminds me of him. I miss hanging out with him and Nick last year, staying up late in the honors lounge. Having conversations about life and everything in it, BSing homework. I miss it. I miss him, I miss how life was back then, the friendship and even the drama. I think about this time last year, what we were all doing...having a Saw marathon, back when all the crap started. Halloween...*shakes head* This year I'll be on rounds. Quite different from what I was doing to pass the night last year. I still care about him a lot. There are so many thoughts, memories...I liked the person he was when we were talking all night. I thought I saw some potential in him, but I guess what really matters are the choices people make. He went one way, I went another. Even last year when we were still pretty tight. I mean, sure, I was bitter...no wrath like a woman scorned, or something like that, right? But he still meant a lot to me, and he's still the only person that'll tell me that other people think I'm an ass or that I'm just whining or whatnot. I really, really wish we could be better friends this year. But I can't compromise some things...I guess I'm just left to doing what I can to show him that my door is always open, in case he ever changes his mind about his lifestyle. Until then, I'll bail him out when I can, or at least, give him a heads up. haha, good times. Oh well.

I'd just really like to have my friend back.

But no use reminising about the past if it won't help you in the future. But damn.

Renovations

New Layout.

Definitely a lot lighter than the old one, which in a way reminded me of staring off into a black hole of nothingness. Depressing.

So here we are. :-)

Thoughts

My dear Reader, I don't think enough. Or at least, I feel as if for the last few...whatever...I've been taking a holiday from depth. I went out to find myself, to experiment a little and see what happens. Well, I had a recent revelation that I don't think I think as much as I both used to and should. So I'm changing back, in a way.

I've been trying to figure out, for at least since the beginning of this school year, what it all means. To be myself, to be Catholic, to be a woman, to be human. I'm fairly certain that I've grown up a lot this year, just within the past few months. Responsibility plus a healthy dose of temperance did that to me, I think.

Last year my goal was to break free and experiment with myself. Try on other people, other costumes like I hadn't been able to before. Success(?) came second semester. Drinking at school, making unwise decisions about how I spent my nights, leaving my faith behind in all but going to Sunday Mass and weekly Why Catholic? meetings. You can thank Benitez for twisting my arm into going to those. I would have dyed my hair teal if I had enough motivation to ask Carzoni or Siobhan for a ride to Walmart. But as it was, I didn't.

Over the summer I had a conversion back to...propriety? I can't think of a word that really encompasses it better. Thanks to my friends back home, including a lot from David, I realized that if I kept going in the direction that I was I would be miserable. And a drunken whore, but that's beside the point. You could say that I found my self worth again, and coming back to school I had a better idea of who I was going to be.

So what now? I want it all. I want all the benifits of being religious, an intellectual, a partier and different without any of the negative side affects. Haha, silly me. That's a walking oxymoron, moreover a paradox. Sorry dear. But let's sketch out something that might actually be plausible.

I'm Catholic. I'm becomming pretty darn Catholic, at my own pace. Or God's, but that's another blog entry. If I can grow in holiness while keeping my perspective on the world, an ability to meet people where they're at, I'll be happy. Catholic modesty plus a desire to be seen as desirable (because what woman doesn't get a kick out of being seen as desirable? Yes, I'm redundant.) creates a sometimes frustrating tension. But I think there are ways to make both sides happy, which leads me too...

I'm a lady, dammit. I should probably act a bit more like one. Haha, Steinke? A lady? Puleeze. Well, I should be able to act like one when I want to. I noticed that yesterday when I was in my khaki pants, red sweater, black business heels and brown peacoat (as opposed to sweats and jeans and whatnot), more people held doors and whatnot. And that's as it should be, I think. The biggest part of being a lady seems to me to be discipline, something that I've been struggling to crank up. Although, staying sober on campus has given me some ground. Along these lines, I'm a whole hearted supported of chivalry. I think it's nice, denotes respect, connotes discipline, and heck, it definitely makes a woman feel good. :-) But really, I think it's much, much better to be seen as potential (and eventual) wife material than skanky hoe material. Even if it does seem like a lot of fun to go be a skanky hoe. :)

I need to keep putting effort into school. This year I'm starting to realize again that I'm smart. I can understand things, which is why I love philosophy. I need to talk with people, have good conversations about all sorts of things, meet people who are different from me and spend time trying to understand them. I love to think. I'm going to keep doing it more. Although, it's definitely easy to get caught up with how busy I am (my gosh, you east coast lifestyle! how the heck do you do that all the time?), which is why today is my sabbath. I had breakfast with Andy and Balaban because I wanted to, then holed myself up in my room to sleep and watch half of Schindler's List because my internet wouldn't load anymore. Recharge, and spend time philosophizing like I used to at 2am in high school. Good times, eh Kayla?

So what now?

Good question.

I guess I'm going to go shower and shave and do all those things that the beauty product companies would like to say composes my "beauty ritual". HA! That terminology makes me laugh, it's so absurd. Then I'm going to start my laundry and clean my room (again...it never ends). Watch some TV, think some more, read some more too.

By the way, it's raining today. I absolutely love it when it rains here; it makes me so happy. I miss home. Not going back until Christmas might not have been a good short term decision. You know, I never really liked the rain before I came to college. But now it's a lovely remedy to my homesickness. It reminds me of the air that tastes like water, rich and cool and pure. Horizons that are covered with hills and snowtopped mountains and volcanoes in the distance. Green trees year round, woods and deer and bunnies and banana slugs. Chasing chickens and watching ducks and catching frogs and evil cats and a silly beagle. Idiot liberals and people who care and are kind and are genuine about it. Warm summers and starry nights and combing the astroturf out of my hair. I could go on about it forever, when I'm in this state. But I better not, if I want to stay happy.

Good Morning

I think I've seen more sunrises this week than I have in the past six months combined. That's because there's a window right at the head of the bed, and I don't bother closing the blinds. So the sun wakes me up. Sunrises must be good for the circadian rhythm. Usually I only see them when I either: A) Stayed up all night "studying" or B) Have to catch a 6am flight. Sunrises from an airplane are beautiful.

So, it's my last few hours of apartment sitting and babysitting Gabriel. Thanks to the rescuing of Benitez and his generous donation of two days of his time, I won't be going back to the Mount speaking cat. I do wish I lived closer, if anything so that I could show some of my Mount friends my life before college. Maybe the parents will meet some of them who are RAs at the end of the year. Bah. Makes me a little sad. But oh well, it's part of my tuition - the "Why the heck did you go so far away?" Package.

Speaking of packages, I still have to adjust my halloween costume a little. A few safety pins, maybe, and if I'm skilled enough with a needle a ribbon to sinch the waist a little. It's a black and green witch dres, with netting for sleeves and a corset-designed bodice. Hey, if I have to have rounds on Halloween, I might as well have a little fun with it.

I feel like I still have lots of work to do within the coming weeks. But really, I still do have enough time to do it. I think. I just have to plan it wisely and actually work hard. Bah. I don't like working hard. My lazy nature that likes things that naturally come to me hates it.

The weather is finally getting colder, and the leaves are thoroughly beautiful. I'll be breaking out the sweaters, and might go on a Walmart run to pick up some warmer clothes. Maybe mom and dad will fund one, since I couldn't go shopping at home during fall break? (I know you're reading, dad. :-] ) I've got my coat now, so I'll be fine for a while still.

Well, today I must put the place back in order, and repack all of my stuff, plus include the stuff I've bought. Just a few books. I have a nagging feeling that I may have rounds tonight. I don't think I do, it might be next Sunday. Oh well, I can check when I get back to the Mount, and if it comes down to it I can just leave mass early. As long as I sign in before 8:30 nobody will complain too much. Plus, what are people doing the Sunday they get back from break? All the homework they put off, just like me. I remember one time I had to write a multi-draft for freshmen seminar right after I had spent the whole day flying. That wasn't a fun all nighter. But I got it done. :)

All right. Time to clean and play with the kitty for a little bit.

Today is...what day again?

Ha, all my days are mushing together. It's hard to keep it straight.

Sunday I ran. Monday I went to the store. Tuesday I ran. Wednesday I cleaned.

Maybe I am keeping it straight.

I did a little research for the debates I have to do for Philosophy. My position: We should change the drinking age to 18. Do I agree? Meh, doesn't matter. Although, I doubt anyone else in my group has gotten any research yet. I should talk to Derek about consolidating resources. He's doing the same position for the other class.

Tomorrow Benitez is coming by, and he's taking me on a tour of Frederick, with some shopping and maybe a movie or something. Ha, I don't care, as long as I can have some time out of the apartment. At first it seemed like the week was going to take forever; now it seems like it's going to go fast.

I'm watching the Fellowship of the Ring. I plan on getting through all three LOTR movies before Sunday. Shouldn't be too hard...

Yes, my life at the moment is full of pathetic and useless activities. Well, compared to what other parts of my life should consist of. Hmmm...I could be catching up on homework, or doing more research, or learning more Greek (I still feel like crap from that damned test), or working on my manuscript. Maybe I'll write it for NaNoWriMo. Although, it's not really a novel. Meh.

Day Uno

Day one of apartment sitting.

Well, first full day.

I woke up this morning at like 10:30. I watched a lot of tv today. Ate some cereal, eggs with salsa, and broccoli/cheese/potato frozen thing. The highlight was going for a run around the neighborhood and discovering a food store.

Fun stuff, eh? Kinda. I'm definitely glad for the break, the time alone away from the demands of the Mount. ut I do miss people, and really wish I had some people around. Family, or friends. Ah well. That's what the internet is for, I guess. But it really can't replace flesh.

Anywho, my eyes hurt a little. I don't know if it's from my computer, the tv, or something else. Meh.

When I was running "Independently Happy" by Blue October came on my ipod. I don't know if I'm as happy as I was last year. I don't think I am. But am I still happy? I'm not unhappy. I'm positive. Elated? Nope. But that's life. I guess. I dunno. I'm not sure about some things. But I guess I don't need to be - right?

Beautiful Letdown

For those who believe in God no explanation is necessary. For those who do not believe in God, no explanation is possible.

That is engraved on a stone up at the Grotto, used for a lectern. That basically describes my faith. I can't explain to you, use a rationale like you would to explain yours. It's just a choice I made, to believe in this religion and worldview. My choice. I can't explain to you with reasons and arguments why I call myself Christian. I can explain why I call myself Catholic. But Christian? It's just faith, kids.

I grew up with it. I made the decision for Christianity multiple times over in my life. I made it when I went on a retreat coming into high school. I made it when I got confirmed. When I got older, especially coming out of high school and going into college, I really struggled with whether or not I would keep it. Was it really my decision, my choice, or was I still just going along with it? No difference externally, all the difference internally. So I came to be able to choose it for myself. It's not easy to be able to see yourself actively making the choice to go along with what's already been the norm in your life. I think I had to spend a little time outside it, going to Sunday mass but not being involved with many church activities my freshman year, making some bad life choices, so that I could feel what it was like to make the choice, to really see the separation with my blurry eyesight. Afterward, it was easier to recognize what making the choice was, and I was able to do so to go along with Christianity. Christians are made, not born. I think St. Jerome said that. It's so, so true.

Throughout my life I feel like I've gotten different messages from God. The first big one was Peace. An inner peace, a trust in God, a restful quiet within my soul that God's grace provided. The next one was Joy. Coming to the Mount, I didn't realize that I could be happy, joyful, all the time. I may or may not have a mild case of depression, but that's neither here nor there. Happiness rocks. Another one is Love. Love everyone, love always, love unconditionally, love purposefully...love Love. Lots of love. Compassion, caring, patience, listening, serving, giving, it all has to do with love. The next one? Holiness, I think. It's like God's giving me the option to 'level up' and I have to click on it. There's a lot that goes into that. Well, duh, the next level is always harder, more baddies, more you have to do on your end. But the reward is greater.

I don't know what I'm going to do with my life. As I said before, I feel like a lot has been taken away from me. But only in order for me to grow stronger in the right ways. I have confidence in God that that's what he's doing. Trust. It just really sucks sometimes.

I get frustrated when people judge me. It's like writing me off, only nicer. And writing me off is a nicer way of saying I don't matter, that I'm pointless. Oh yeah, I know, I hear the protestations from my imaginary audience. That's just how it works in my head. Deal with it. I'll meet you halfway, how bout? I won't take things so personally, and you pretend to not judge me.

Look, I have my own crosses to bear. And I'm trying to bear them. I'm also trying to remember that everyone else has their own, too. I've got crosses that probably none of you know about. Even myself, heh. I'll come to God in my own way. There is no right way. Sure, paths are better than others. I think the Catholic church is the best path, the surest way to heaven. Yes, I think some of you are wrong. But I still love you, and know that God loves you, and you've got your own faith road to walk, and if I want people to let me walk mine, then I should let you walk yours. Only God knows what's going on with each of us most completely.

I know I've got faults, a lot of them. I would like to think I'm the first to admit them. But just love me, ok? I know for a fact that if I hadn't had that love at other times in my life, I wouldn't be here. Staying up late talking all night in a dark room lit by the tv light, through all the hard times in my life, those nights kept me alive. For reals, yo. All I'm asking for is for some of you out there to do what you're already doing. Reiterating that I do need it. Maybe reminding myself of the fact that I do. And that I need people to lvoe in return.

But none of this is really going to change anything. Frankly, I'm just babbling out here in cyberspace, sorting through ideas in my own head as I go along. This is just a tool I like to use to sort through stuff, with the added benefit of other people potentially being able to add what they think of my ramblings.

All right. I"m going to stop writing for a while. Go poke around the internet, maybe watch some tv, maybe a movie. Or sleep. But lord knows I"ll get to do enough of that this week.

Goodnight everybody.

Before my Greek class

A quick word.

First Why Catholic? meeting yesterday. We discussed the Beatitudes. I need more grace to do this right. But it's sooo exciting. :) More on that later. Maybe.

The Young German Symphony Orchestra is playing at my school tonight. And the Marian Symposium starts. The Symposium is a collection of speakers talking about different ways Mary relates to the Church and whatnot. Just different talks about Mary from SUPER SMART people. Like, nationally and worldly renowned speakers. Oh, and I get to welcome the Orchestra when they arrive and help them set up. *dusts off Deutsch* :)

I get to babysit my band director's kitty and apartment sit for her next week. It should be fun, an apartment and kitty to myself. :) A nice break from things. And Benitez said he might be able to visit me towards the end of it. It's probably a good thing I'm apartment sitting. I think i'm finally coming down with whatever sickness is going through Sheridan. I woke up this morning, and my sinuses didn't. :P Curse my family and their sinus problems!

But I shall write more later. I'm thinky, to use Jed's word, and want to write more later.

Tschus, my dears.

While watching MTVU because the Mount canceled the classical channel...

So I'm in a pondering mood this evening. I need to sift through some stuff. Cosmos to Citizen style. :) Dr. Conway would be proud.

There's the economy. Some experts say that we won't get into a depression. I think they're probably right. I think what might happen is a recession that lasts a long time instead. But then, I know nothing about the economy. As long as my dad keeps his job, I can still go to school here, and I don't need to worry about my life radically changing.

There's the election. I don't know who I'm voting for just yet. Who's the lesser of two evils? I'll get back to you on that.

Academia has been kind to me. I've found favor with my professors in my majors, theology and philosophy. Did I mention? I'm doubling with phil. See, because I actually want to get a good education. Which is what I'll get. And so far, I love my phil class. We've only done Plato so far, so we'll see how much I still love it when we get to the modern philosophers. But I find myself putting a lot of effort into my papers. We'll see what happens. Science is a perpetual purgatory. Not learning anything about physical science, but a lot about humility, patience, working with difficult people and communication. So I guess it's pretty good. Greek is...hard.

I'm a Why Catholic? leader. It's like little college youth group sessions. My darling Ms. Klunk and I present a little lesson about something, like the Beatitudes, and then lead a discussion. Bring in Bible passages and stuff. Provide food. Should be pretty good. And it doubles as another way for me to burn some of my free time while adding to my leadership opportunities by doing something I already love doing. Sweet deal, huh?

Being an RA is...being an RA. Yes, I'm still doing it next year (if you make me decide today). I think there's a strange sense of honor to it that's missing on a lot of college campuses...and in the lives of young people. Wow I sound old. Being an RA is one of the best things I did for myself. I still love my girls...even if they trash talk me behind my back and bring alcohol into my hall. Gah. I like making bulletin boards. I don't like hall programming. I hate having to make decisions in the grey area, having to choose between enforcing policy and keeping what little relationship I've fostered with some of my girls. Don't worry, I wasn't on duty, it's ok, it really was a gray area. I'm applying for the Terrace next year. Yeah, it'll be different than it is this year. Not as awesome. But it'll also make me a better RA. I hope. I've got a meeting with my boss tomorrow. My one on one. Hopefully I got all my programming points I need.

I think today was one of the best band rehearsals ever. We only had a few people, for various reasons, so we did sectionals. Oh man, what an awesome experience to look around and hear everyone caring. Not just see it, but hear it. Beautiful. Imperfect, unpolished. But definitely the reason why I need music as much as I need oxygen. And leading the sectional, maybe I could go for music ed. But I think I like playing with the people more, hearing Ellen's first clarinet start out then have me and the rest of my section come in with the counter melody and harmony, flute and then Hailey on the oboe with Jed's tenor with the bottom of the chords, molding the sound to soar and plunge...gah. There I go again getting all quixotic about it. But seriously, it's sweet.

There're my friends. Holy crap, they're crazy confusing dramatic and I somehow still love them. For once it's not me with the drama, but of course I hear all of it. I don't mind, at all. Well, most of it I don't mind. But I deal, don't worry, I love you all and I'd let you know if I needed space. I'm worried about some of you. Some of you are hurting people, I think because you're hurting too. Stop using people! The world needs more love, not more sex. You all should pray more too. Not that I'm one to talk. You all have legitimate troubles. And I'm glad that you finally believe that I'm an ok person still. Jeez. I'm still me. :) But heck...we'll all float on...

And now me.

I feel like I've got this weird sense of independence and leadership I didn't have last year. I read through some of my old aim logs from last year. Oh what a silly freshman I was. But this morning was the first time I thought of home as my parents' house. I've switched rooms with Jess, so my home within my home isn't mine anymore. Yeah, I know, it's just a room. But I've spent a lot of time in that spot, 12 years of nights and days. I remember when the house was being built, going up to that corner of the house, before all the drywall and insulation and carpet, and thinking that this was mine, all mine. And that roof outside my window, reading Lestat outside by the light of the sunset. But all things must pass. I'm not that kid anymore. Katelyn's growing up, going to college and became Steinke. I'm still getting used to this new person. So pardon me if I'm a bit awkward.

I'm also pondering some big important questions. I'll find answers someday.

I'm confused, and don't have inner peace. I think that if I confront what's inside I might break. I'm scared of all this change, I only know one that that is unchanging. And you'd think I'd be clinging harder to it. But no, of course not. Look at me, guys! No hands! Wha...wha...Whoops! There I go, falling down again. Is this what it's like to be a young adult? Constant turmoil, because you know that no one knows what the future is going to bring, because you're almost in control now, it's almost your turn to lead? Life was easier when I wasn't in charge. But easier doesn't mean better.

Man, the hedonist in me demands experience. The Catholic in me gives the hedonist a dirty look. And then I lock the two back in their separate rooms. They can duke it out later.

What's the meaning of it all? Why do I love? Why do people use? Why do I slack? Why do I simulataneously desire two opposing things?

Batter my heart, three-personed God...

We could be falling in love, you and I, or it could merely be the wine, the orchestra and the moonlight on the water. My theology professor said that. Dr. Collinge, the old slightly crazy guy. He says it's one of his favorite sentences he's written. Besides creating a beautiful picture in my imagination, I can see it meaning a lot of different things...different loves, 'loves'. Relationships, between both people and ideas. Reality and imagination. Reality and what we want. Or is there a difference? Does it even matter?

All you need is love.

You know, my future doesn't extend farther than my late twenties. It's like I'm trusting that everything will be figured out by then. These next ten years...these next five, really, are what I see. It's like when I was little, and I imagined being a teenager. I couldn't comprehend it in details, in reality. I imagined an ideal...and it all happened...but in the wildest way I could have never imagined, and not even a speck of the gloss I had thought. College has been a similar experience...with more gloss.

All right, I've written enough for the night.

Oh foo.

I've got decisions to make. But it's waaay too early to make some of them. And scary. And I don't think I want to figure out that I have it in me just yet, because of implications. I need to read a few books, too.

Silver linings:

I found a lighter outside to give to Janee'. She likes them. I'll save it for the next time she's being the Sheridan DA.

I got my board done. :) "History of Halloween Haunts". Vampires, Werewolves, Frankenstein, Ghosts and Witches. And a lovely fall tree that took like a hundred leaf die cut outs to make. But I'm pretty happy with it. :) And I'm going to turn the tree from a red and orange and yellow deciduous tree into a snowy evergreen come Christmastime. With 'lights'. :D

Apparently both my Philosophy and Theology professors love me so much that they talk about me in their other classes. Which of course makes my head swell accordingly. And makes me really happy and gives me back a lovely substantial sense of self worth and academic merit. Hell yeah, Steinke's got game. The only downside is that it probably annoys the people in the other classes. Oh well.

I got to have dinner with Jed today. I haven't had a decent conversation with him since Dr. Hamel's class last semester. That was really good. He makes me think and laugh. I should do that more often. Dinner? or think and laugh?

All three.

Boulevard of Broken Songs

I remember hearing this song on the radio:

Click here for a link to a youtube video

Lyrics:

Includes lyrics from:
Boulevard of Broken Dreams - Green Day
Wonderwall - Oasis
Writing to Reach You - Travis
Sing for the Moment - Eminem

I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's only me and I walk alone
(Today is gonna be the day
That they're gonna throw it back to you)

I walk this empty street
On the boulevard of broken dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk alone
(By now you shoulda somehow
Realised what you gotta do)

I walk alone, I walk alone
(I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do about you now)
I walk alone, I walk ah..

My shadow's the only one
That walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only
Thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish
Someone out there will find me
Til then I walk alone

Everyday I wake up and it's Sunday
Whatever's in my eye won't go away
The radio is playing all the usual
What's a wonderwall anyway?

Backbeat the word is on the street
That the fire in your heart is out
I'm sure you've heard it all before
But you never really had a doubt
I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do about you now

I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the borderline of the edge
And where I walk alone
(Today is gonna be the day that they're gonna throw it back to you)
Read between the lines
What's fucked up and everything's alright
Check my vital signs
No, I'm still alive and I walk alone

(Today is gonna be the day that
they're gonna throw it back to you)
I walk alone, I walk alone
(By now you shoulda somehow
realised what you gotta do)
I walk alone, I walk ah..

And all the roads we have to walk are winding
All the lights that lead us there are blinding
There many things that I would like to say to you
But I don't know how

I walk this empty street
On the boulevard of broken dreams
(Today is gonna be the day that
They're gonna throw it back to you)
I walk this empty street
On the boulevard of broken dreams
(And by now you shoulda somehow
Realised what you gotta do)
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk alone

(..cos maybe)My shadow's the only one
That walks beside me(You're gonna be the one that saves me)
My shallow heart's the only(You're gonna be the one that saves me)
Thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish
Someone out there will find me(You're gonna be the one that saves me)
Til then I walk alone

Sing with me, sing for the year
Sing for the laughter, sing for the tear
Sing with me,just for today
Maybe tomorrow, the good Lord will take you away
[ Boulevard Of Broken Songs Lyrics on http://www.lyricsmania.com/ ]

While studying greek...

"Use me as you will, pull my strings just for a thrill
and I know I'll be okay, though my skies are turning gray..."

Red Jumpsuit Apparatus, "Your Guardian Angel"

Whoo!!! Yay for 93 greek vocab words. And spiritual dilemmas... and personal crises...

Gah. I wish things felt more like home here. Things are clinking, but not nearly as well as they did last year. I don't think I'm happy anymore. I need to figure out why.

Dreams!

Ever have one of those dreams where you swear it's real? You feel all the emotions, sense all the senses, only to wake up in a fuzz trying to distinguish reality from your subconscious. I always get the best sleep when I dream like that. But I hate waking up from it. I can never remember, for a few hours afterwards, what part of my morning was real and what part was just memories from my dream. Frustrating.

But now I have to finish a paper in half an hour.

yay rounds

Tonight was a fun rounds night. No incident reports got filed, but...

• I watched Across the Universe with Lissy (rounds buddy) and Andy. Yay for Beatles music.
• The back east door was unlocked and the sheridan lounge was locked, so we got to call Public Safety. They came up in two cars, Haines and Stackhouse, looking all official.
• At the end of the night Lissy and I busted like ten people out of various halls (boys aren't allowed on girls halls and girls aren't allowed on boys halls after a certain time). We saw this one girl walk out of a boy room, talk to us, and then go back in. We knocked on the door, but a different girl came out. Whoops. Oh well. We didn't document her or anything, and made nice.
• we had a RA 'convention' in the Sheridan Lobby. Janee' was a Desk Assistant, (and is a terrace RA), then Ally, Chase, and Adam came in (all in the terrace, too). Then Benitez called me. So we had like 6 RAs in the lobby, and got weird looks from some of the residents. But it was awesome. And Lissy and I got to listen to an episode of the Terrace RA Drama soap opera.
  
• Lissy and I talked to some baseball players (who were probably half drunk, at least) on our outside round of the building. Made nice with them, and that was pretty fun.

Apparently a lot of people think RAs are cliquy. We're not. It's just that pretty much no one else wants to hang out with us.

In the meantime, I'm going to bed, before I have to pretend I didn't hear any more male voices.

long shot

So...

I always start these with So. Huh.

I was talking to Nate this afternoon, and he told me that he talked to his boss (he's an RA too!) and found out that I could potentially get a job as a summer RA at Western. :D I'd be able to because I've lived on a campus for a year, and duh, have a year of RA experience. And would include an awesome letter of recommendation from Katherine. I'd just have to apply, get accepted and take a course up there. Which I could do: Intro to Logic. Which was on the summer course list for 2008, so it might be there for 2009. Based on the course description, there's a good chance it would count towards a phil major...and is only three credits, so that's only 400 bucks i'd have to cough up. Which is like my paycheck for spring semester...but yeah. :D And i'd get paid as an RA. And Western RAs get better benefits. And I wouldn't be in Camas, I'd get to be in B-ham, working at something I already know how to do (it seems like they do training pretty similarly, based on what Nate's told me) with people I know and meeting more fun people and yeah.

The class i'd take would be from like june 24th to august 1st, I think. So it's pretty good, i'd have about a month back home with my family, or so, maybe work a bit...hahaha. And then I'd go up for six weeks, and then be back in Cam-town for a couple weeks before I have to go back to maryland.

But heck, it's still september. This is all just a castle in the clouds. Lots of ifs. It's not a solid argument. But it might turn into something pretty cool. And worthwhile. And it'd be waaaaay better than anything like McDonalds or Taco Bell or Walmart or whatever. Well, maybe not walmart. But it'd help my resume. :-D When was the last time I could say I did something like that? :-D