Hi there.
I'm just saying that I love arguing for the sake of arguing (and even just a little bit to prove that your right) while not taking too much personal offense at it, or at least moving on afterwards. :)
I get to go to the March for Life tomorrow! Yay! I've got Rounds tonight, though. I don't know if I'll sleep much. Maybe just a little. Then stuff my ginormous book in my purse to bring to read on the bus a little, in case I can't sleep.
So yeah. I may go take a nap now, get it out of the way.
Love to my dears. :)
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Happy Obama Day
It's been a bit, but I have a thought.
I can't shake this feeling I've had for the last couple of days. What feeling? This feeling like the end's coming. Oh no, don't worry, I'm not suicidal (far from it, actually. I love life.), but for some reason I keep feeling like I'm not going to live too far into the future. It's completely irrational, illogical and unfounded. But I can't see past Thursday. To think that something's going to happen to me really seems ridiculous, but in all honesty a little part of me will be surprised if I wake up Friday morning. Or even Saturday morning. I hate to be all morbid like this, but I just can't shake this feeling. Maybe it's runoff from being emo earlier this week, coupled with the fact that I really have no plan for my future at all that I can see. Grad school, sure, why not. only because I've got nothing else better to do. I need a goal, and without it all I see is nothingness. On the flip side, I find that this feeling is forces into perspective the present, helping me enjoy it while it lasts. I've always thought about making an unofficial will, or something, just in case something horrible happens. Accidents happen, planes go down. I dunno. Heh, all it would say is to give it all to Jess.
But hey, in reality, none of this is going to come true, and it's just a feeling.
Happy Obama Day, everyone. It's the start of a new era. What kind of era? We'll find out. Could it be the beginning of the end? Or the beginning of the beginning? I dunno, if you're like me an believe that an apocalypse is going to happen someday, then...*shrug* who knows? Not likely to happen, but ya never know. Prayers for Obama are requested. Thanks. :)
I can't shake this feeling I've had for the last couple of days. What feeling? This feeling like the end's coming. Oh no, don't worry, I'm not suicidal (far from it, actually. I love life.), but for some reason I keep feeling like I'm not going to live too far into the future. It's completely irrational, illogical and unfounded. But I can't see past Thursday. To think that something's going to happen to me really seems ridiculous, but in all honesty a little part of me will be surprised if I wake up Friday morning. Or even Saturday morning. I hate to be all morbid like this, but I just can't shake this feeling. Maybe it's runoff from being emo earlier this week, coupled with the fact that I really have no plan for my future at all that I can see. Grad school, sure, why not. only because I've got nothing else better to do. I need a goal, and without it all I see is nothingness. On the flip side, I find that this feeling is forces into perspective the present, helping me enjoy it while it lasts. I've always thought about making an unofficial will, or something, just in case something horrible happens. Accidents happen, planes go down. I dunno. Heh, all it would say is to give it all to Jess.
But hey, in reality, none of this is going to come true, and it's just a feeling.
Happy Obama Day, everyone. It's the start of a new era. What kind of era? We'll find out. Could it be the beginning of the end? Or the beginning of the beginning? I dunno, if you're like me an believe that an apocalypse is going to happen someday, then...*shrug* who knows? Not likely to happen, but ya never know. Prayers for Obama are requested. Thanks. :)
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Before flight....
1 year, 4 months, 20 days, 18 hours, 2 minutes and 33 seconds ago it was the day that I left for school the first time. I know, because I have a counter on my HP laptop.
I'm trying to convince myself that the trip won't be as long as the last one. Three days. No, I'll get in Baltimore around 4pm. Not tomorrow, but later today. I still haven't packed yet. haha. But what's an all night vigil for, anyway?
I had planned on sleeping, too. Thought about it, and it was a good idea. But here I am, staying up late, until mom and dad reawaken to take me to PDX. I think I do these to help with the transition process. I'm a fan of rituals and tradition, and this is my own little ritual I have. Stay up all night, get started with the solitude. Some nice reflection before I embark on my life-switch.
Man, Mewy Bear is freaking huge. When I left, she was a tiny little kitten that I had been box training and I had to wake up all hours of the night to play with or let out or whatever. Now she's a freaking grey lion. And a princess. I wish I had more time to get to know her now.
Oh, I'm so glad Sio and Benitez are picking me up. Of course, I'd rather have Doug, of course. I can't wait to see him. :) But I miss Sio and Benitez dearly, too, and I'm eternally grateful that they're able to drive out to get me. It's rather exciting, and comforting to know that two people I love, members of my Mount family, are meeting me. And then get to school, unpack, give Doug a nice hello, and say hi to Sarah for a while before she leaves tomorrow for london. Then go back and spend more time with Doug. It's only good things that await me, in the forseeable future. Maybe this semester will be good. Could this be a good sign? or maybe just a recompense for the crap in this past one? Or good things for now, then I'll be hit with a whammy later? As you can tell, I'm a bit pessimistic. I'm worn from trying to see the bright side, but now I'm tired from bitching about how stupid this is, so I'm on my way back to choosing to be positive. It's not humanity's fault that I got three days screwed out of my vacation. And who am I to question God? No one, that's who. So my only option, really, is to work towards making things good for myself and those around me.
My god, I just want to cry. uck. Get the stress and emotion out. Not wanting to leave, feeling cheated out of time with my family, finally getting back to having a really good relationship with my siblings, wishing I could be with Doug sooner than possible, missing my beloved Mounties, aggravated that I didn't end up seeing everyone I wanted here, apprehension at this semester, working up a healthier lifestyle consisting of actual excersize (because I've decided to be vain and I want to alter a few of my curves) and lunches full of rabbit food, this list goes on and on and on and on and on....
But for now, i can't think about that. We'll just choose to remember that Sio and Benitez will be meeting me, in less than a day. That I'll get to see Doug soon after, make up for lost time. See Sarah one last time before she leaves. Be back on my Mount. It's a happy thought. Purely happy thought, really. I can't believe it's so good, really. It's not often that I get to look forward to something that'll make me this happy, and know that it's coming in a matter of hours. Nope, that's my problem. I can't believe it just yet.
But oh man, it'll be so sweet when I do.
Now, to packing. Good bye, my dears. Hello soon, my beloveds.
I'm trying to convince myself that the trip won't be as long as the last one. Three days. No, I'll get in Baltimore around 4pm. Not tomorrow, but later today. I still haven't packed yet. haha. But what's an all night vigil for, anyway?
I had planned on sleeping, too. Thought about it, and it was a good idea. But here I am, staying up late, until mom and dad reawaken to take me to PDX. I think I do these to help with the transition process. I'm a fan of rituals and tradition, and this is my own little ritual I have. Stay up all night, get started with the solitude. Some nice reflection before I embark on my life-switch.
Man, Mewy Bear is freaking huge. When I left, she was a tiny little kitten that I had been box training and I had to wake up all hours of the night to play with or let out or whatever. Now she's a freaking grey lion. And a princess. I wish I had more time to get to know her now.
Oh, I'm so glad Sio and Benitez are picking me up. Of course, I'd rather have Doug, of course. I can't wait to see him. :) But I miss Sio and Benitez dearly, too, and I'm eternally grateful that they're able to drive out to get me. It's rather exciting, and comforting to know that two people I love, members of my Mount family, are meeting me. And then get to school, unpack, give Doug a nice hello, and say hi to Sarah for a while before she leaves tomorrow for london. Then go back and spend more time with Doug. It's only good things that await me, in the forseeable future. Maybe this semester will be good. Could this be a good sign? or maybe just a recompense for the crap in this past one? Or good things for now, then I'll be hit with a whammy later? As you can tell, I'm a bit pessimistic. I'm worn from trying to see the bright side, but now I'm tired from bitching about how stupid this is, so I'm on my way back to choosing to be positive. It's not humanity's fault that I got three days screwed out of my vacation. And who am I to question God? No one, that's who. So my only option, really, is to work towards making things good for myself and those around me.
My god, I just want to cry. uck. Get the stress and emotion out. Not wanting to leave, feeling cheated out of time with my family, finally getting back to having a really good relationship with my siblings, wishing I could be with Doug sooner than possible, missing my beloved Mounties, aggravated that I didn't end up seeing everyone I wanted here, apprehension at this semester, working up a healthier lifestyle consisting of actual excersize (because I've decided to be vain and I want to alter a few of my curves) and lunches full of rabbit food, this list goes on and on and on and on and on....
But for now, i can't think about that. We'll just choose to remember that Sio and Benitez will be meeting me, in less than a day. That I'll get to see Doug soon after, make up for lost time. See Sarah one last time before she leaves. Be back on my Mount. It's a happy thought. Purely happy thought, really. I can't believe it's so good, really. It's not often that I get to look forward to something that'll make me this happy, and know that it's coming in a matter of hours. Nope, that's my problem. I can't believe it just yet.
But oh man, it'll be so sweet when I do.
Now, to packing. Good bye, my dears. Hello soon, my beloveds.
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Whining
I DON'T want to go back.
I'm not going.
You can't make me.
...
I got cheated out of part of my break, and I want a refund. Sadly, that refund is going to come in three days of Winter RA Training, including two hours of "Bias Related Incident Response". Bullshit. I really can't stand diversity training. Oh, I think it's all well and good, definitely necessary and everyone should go through it to become an RA, blah blah blah. But I personally hate it. I don't have to like it.
And this SO ISN'T FAIR. OH! mY god. First the university shaves a week off Christmas break, then I have to come back early for RA training, THEN I decide that not going home for four fucking and a half months is a good idea, AND THEN I get stuck in FREAKING DENVER for THREE FREAKING DAYS, not knowing if I'll get on a plane for half of that, while waiting in lines for two hours at a time with pissy people (and awesome people, but I can't really talk about them in a rant, now, can I?), and THEN my parents end up driving me the three freaking hours home from Seattle, so I get home FINALLY at 1am Dec 24th. And when I got home, everyone had been snowed in for days and were cranky and ornry, so I had to work overtime on the happy to make everyone else have fun, and really all I want is my three days back.
Three more fucking days I was cheated out fo the small allottment of break my pimp Reslife gave me off. GAWD. FUCK taht shit. I want to stay here, so I'm not going. Dammit. I'm pissed, I'm sick and tired of digging deep to find the fucking bright side so I don't go crazy and add to it, so I can enjoy what little fucking time I have.
FUCK that shit.
...
I swear, if it wasn't for the fact that I'm aching to see Doug, to see Sio, Benitez, and even Cliff too, I'd be kicking and screaming as much as I was when I first had to fly out to god forsaken Baltimore.
In twelve fucking hours I'll be taking off. MY GOD. I don't believe it. I refuse. NO.
But the kicker is that I can't not go back. I love those people, that world, that life way too much to stay here.
I'm not going.
You can't make me.
...
I got cheated out of part of my break, and I want a refund. Sadly, that refund is going to come in three days of Winter RA Training, including two hours of "Bias Related Incident Response". Bullshit. I really can't stand diversity training. Oh, I think it's all well and good, definitely necessary and everyone should go through it to become an RA, blah blah blah. But I personally hate it. I don't have to like it.
And this SO ISN'T FAIR. OH! mY god. First the university shaves a week off Christmas break, then I have to come back early for RA training, THEN I decide that not going home for four fucking and a half months is a good idea, AND THEN I get stuck in FREAKING DENVER for THREE FREAKING DAYS, not knowing if I'll get on a plane for half of that, while waiting in lines for two hours at a time with pissy people (and awesome people, but I can't really talk about them in a rant, now, can I?), and THEN my parents end up driving me the three freaking hours home from Seattle, so I get home FINALLY at 1am Dec 24th. And when I got home, everyone had been snowed in for days and were cranky and ornry, so I had to work overtime on the happy to make everyone else have fun, and really all I want is my three days back.
Three more fucking days I was cheated out fo the small allottment of break my pimp Reslife gave me off. GAWD. FUCK taht shit. I want to stay here, so I'm not going. Dammit. I'm pissed, I'm sick and tired of digging deep to find the fucking bright side so I don't go crazy and add to it, so I can enjoy what little fucking time I have.
FUCK that shit.
...
I swear, if it wasn't for the fact that I'm aching to see Doug, to see Sio, Benitez, and even Cliff too, I'd be kicking and screaming as much as I was when I first had to fly out to god forsaken Baltimore.
In twelve fucking hours I'll be taking off. MY GOD. I don't believe it. I refuse. NO.
But the kicker is that I can't not go back. I love those people, that world, that life way too much to stay here.
Thursday, January 1, 2009
Rice, Glass, and Rain
It's 2am East Coast time, so it's officially the golden hour. Over there.
I'm in a rather particularly passionate mood this evening. I've started digging into Merrick, one of my Anne Rice novels I got for Christmas. I'm realizing that I really need to go back and reread the whole series. Start with Interview, and do a good job of going through them in order. Interview with a Vampire, The Vampire Lestat, Queen of the Damned, Tale of the Body Thief, Memnoch the Devil, The Vampire Armand, Blood and Gold, Blackwood Farm, and Blood Canticle. Well, Armand and Gold aren't required. I just need the ones that surround my beloved Lestat. My beloved Brat Prince Vampire that Bad Katelyn swoons over. But even so, just those seven books would take me at least a year, probably two to get through, with the rate that I read. Well, never mind. If I spend the summer West Side, I'll need something to occupy my time. And what better way to spend my late afternoons and early evenings than spralled out on my roof, reading my Rice-ian vampire fiction by the light of the sunset until it's too dark to see? I had forgotten why these are my favorites. Oh, they're so delicious. Who needs erotica? Pft, I've got my verbiage porn. Sweet nectar of the gods; writing shouldn't taste this good to me. But it does. So delectably satisfying.
It's also raining pretty hard tonight. Flood warnings abound. The pond water will probably flood over the dam. That is, if it holds. It should. If not, we'll just hope the rock star neighbors with their fast Element car and odd hours are kind and won't sue us for water damages. *cue evil grin*
Finally, by way of Facebook status stalking I came upon some good Phillip Glass music. Blends awefully well with the current setting, I think. "Metamorphosis".
I'm in a rather particularly passionate mood this evening. I've started digging into Merrick, one of my Anne Rice novels I got for Christmas. I'm realizing that I really need to go back and reread the whole series. Start with Interview, and do a good job of going through them in order. Interview with a Vampire, The Vampire Lestat, Queen of the Damned, Tale of the Body Thief, Memnoch the Devil, The Vampire Armand, Blood and Gold, Blackwood Farm, and Blood Canticle. Well, Armand and Gold aren't required. I just need the ones that surround my beloved Lestat. My beloved Brat Prince Vampire that Bad Katelyn swoons over. But even so, just those seven books would take me at least a year, probably two to get through, with the rate that I read. Well, never mind. If I spend the summer West Side, I'll need something to occupy my time. And what better way to spend my late afternoons and early evenings than spralled out on my roof, reading my Rice-ian vampire fiction by the light of the sunset until it's too dark to see? I had forgotten why these are my favorites. Oh, they're so delicious. Who needs erotica? Pft, I've got my verbiage porn. Sweet nectar of the gods; writing shouldn't taste this good to me. But it does. So delectably satisfying.
It's also raining pretty hard tonight. Flood warnings abound. The pond water will probably flood over the dam. That is, if it holds. It should. If not, we'll just hope the rock star neighbors with their fast Element car and odd hours are kind and won't sue us for water damages. *cue evil grin*
Finally, by way of Facebook status stalking I came upon some good Phillip Glass music. Blends awefully well with the current setting, I think. "Metamorphosis".
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