Wave goodbye to the hippies, kids!

Here we are again.

It's officially 12:05AM Pacific time by my laptop clock. Four hours until I need to 'get up' to get ready to drive to the airport at 4:30am to navigate through that labyrinth of airport security and catch my 6:00am flight to Salt Lake City, wait around for two hours and then fly to Baltimore and then get picked up and finally make it to school, hopefully before 7pm.

And, I hate this part. It just hurts, there's nothing good about it. The goodbyes to my friends here hurt. The nagging from my parents hurts. Missing my college buddies hurts.

I know I'll be back at the end of February. But that doesn't help much now. I'm half packed, and sick of packing. I'll finish after this note.

It's this in between that I hate. Washington's my home. I love the air always smells like pine, the tap water that tastes bottled, the hippies at the Portland Airport (they don't know it, but they've always been the first to welcome me home), my parents, my friends at all the Washington schools who molded me and got me ready to start to figure out who I'm supposed to be now that I'm in college. But Maryland, Mount Saint Mary's more like (since I really have been confined to the campus), is where I think I'm finding myself. I'm happier overall than I was in high school. I don't have to worry about being Catholic. It's only been a few months with my girls and my HL crew, but I don't know what I'd do without them. I miss you all so much when I'm home. You welcomed me with open arms and helped me bridge the culture gap between the two coasts (though I still haven't had Old Bay yet). I'm not sure if you'll ever know how much that means to me. And then there's Kayla, my one bridge between the two worlds. I love you. I can't do this without you. You know that.

God, I've got all this feeling churning in me, and neither will come out nor go away. I can't wait until I get to security at PDX, because then I'll be alone again and all this will settle down. Truly alone. I really like traveling alone. It lets you spend time introspecting and finding out who you really are. Because you've only got yourself to rely on. I mean, yeah, you've got your cell. But last time I flew I had no idea where it was, and I thought I had left it at school (turns out it was at the bottom of my bag. figures.). It was then, though, that I really felt alone for the first time. My lifelines really depended on my mental phone book and supply of quarters, and calling WA from Baltimore isn't cheap. I guess it all just gives you perspective.

People throw the phrase around way too much, but I'm going to use it anyway. I love you all, so much. I can't wait for this semester to start. Ha, I can't even see past the first week. It'll be nice to get back and put contacts in. Yeah, I left my other pairs at school, and so I've been wearing the glasses for the last two weeks. *eyeroll* Typical Katelyn.

Man, I wish someone was online right now. It's so lonely, this part. I tend to think about death during this part, too. I know, I know, Steinke's a morbid child. But wouldn't you? I mean, the planes could crash, and that'd be it. I'd be gone, and the only thing left here would be what people remember me as. It'd be so incredibly ironic: to die during the time of my life when I finally feel the most alive. Ha. HaHa.

But enough about that.

What's her name said "Only kindness matters." I disagree. Love and what we do for and because of it are the only things that matter. Love as in the mysterious force in the room in the Department of Mysteries. Love as in something that really doesn't die. Something transcendental.

But what do we know about that? We are all just a bunch of clueless...young adults...trying to find themselves and figure out what the hell is going on. And we screw up a lot of times, and oh yes, there will be drama, but it seems like we are learning from everything that happens, be it good or bad, just trying to come into our own. Maybe there's hope for us after all.

;-)

I think I'm going to go finish packing now.

P.S. Go Pack Go.